Zane’s Log 6/13/2039
All my life I have heard that parenting is the most challenging task anyone can ever take on. I thought it was exaggeration. How could raising a kid compare to life and death missions?
Turns out, I was wrong.
I’ve had more fear induced, near heart attacks in the past two years than I ever had as a special ops agent. You don’t know fear until you are shopping in a huge store, turn around for a second and then when you turn back you child is gone. We went shopping last week. Katarina was at a meeting for the non-profit research institute she founded. I wanted to make dinner. She went shopping with the twins all the time. I assumed it was easy.
I really need to quit assuming things.
Adrian passed out in the grocery cart, but Colleen insisted on walking. Everything was fine until I let go of her hand to pull a can off of a shelf, skim the ingredients and then add it to the basket. I reached down to take her hand again, only the little terror had disappeared.
I called her name.
Every minute without a response spiked my fear higher.
I went down every isle half a dozen times it seemed and enlisted a store employee to help. Just as we were about to issue a store-wide alert, the little minx waddled around the corner with an armful of stuff. She went shopping, by herself. She had a ball, a package of colorful hair bows, and a package of suckers. I wasn’t sure if I was impressed, furious, or some odd combination of both.
I scolded her for walking off and refused to get any of the things she wanted, because little girls who wandered off didn’t get rewarded for it.
We were in the check out line when Adrian woke up and suddenly had to pee…..RIGHT NOW.
I left the checkout, parked the basket outside of the restroom and carted both of them to the bathroom. A two and a half year old’s hold time isn’t very good. I’ve cleaned up enough puddles to know. Adrian decided he had to poop. He gave us a blow-by-blow account of his progress. I tried to tell him we didn’t need the updates, but he’s very serious about his potty-training successes. By the time both finished their business–because of course by the time Adrian finished, Colleen had to go– and hands were washed and dried I felt like we’d been in there for an hour.
We left the restroom and my stomach dropped. Our basket was gone. The idea of going back and getting all the groceries all over again was enough to make me, a grown man, cry. Nope. Not doing it.
This was why take out was invented. Take out and alcohol.